Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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