When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
