Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
love makes seman taste better
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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