Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
