why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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