Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
