I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
