so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
