i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
