need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
