I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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