I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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