I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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