You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
