My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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