You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
