i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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