Screwed.edu
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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