$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
