I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
