I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
