At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Shame is for Republicans.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
