We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
