Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
