The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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