so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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