you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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