Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
