I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
