...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
