WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
