Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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