is your mom at the bar?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
