no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
