and you said cock pushups were impossible
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
