so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
