Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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