R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we're making bets on your personal life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
