ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
