Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
