my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
