I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
