Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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