We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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