never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
