I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
