drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
