sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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