remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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