Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
