Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
